Pamela Meyer Teaches Us "How to Spot a Liar"

Orientation to Family Court Mediation and Child Custody Recommending Counseling 2015

Image of a Beautiful Scottish Castle Captured by Amelia Hallsworth Photography of London- Draw a Breath of Contemplative Beauty! Marcus Aurelius Might Have Loved This

Traditional Exterior by London Photographers Amelia Hallsworth Photography

This morning bodes has a fresh snap in the air! Even though the sun is not up yet, I can see signs that autumn is forging ahead. What is it about autumn that enchants me? I love to witness the changing of the season. It's like fast-speed photography.

Change. Why do we resist it so? It is a constant. When we experience beautiful moments, we wish that they would last forever. It is lyrical, exquisite and breathtaking... We hold our breath and try to hold on tightly to the moment and keep it here! When we are in the midst of anguish or despair, we hold our breath and shut our eyes tightly... just... trying... to ... get... through... it. I visualize it as being much like a long march to Moscow, in the snow... with no boots. March, march, march...

The secret to finding more peacefulness with both of these sets of experiences is to keep breathing and try to stay fully present in the here and now... even though it sometimes means staying with the unpleasantness, the sense of foreboding, the crush of disappointment. Change will work its magic, in any situation.   I am reading Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius, who understood this, back in 100 A.D. His journals began when he was a teenager and continued through his life. If you have not read this book, newly translated (in 2002) with an introduction by Gregory Hays, I would invite you to do so. Good morning!

"Talk to Strangers" Is a Powerful Movie About Child Custody Wars- Trailer Might Make You Consider Alternative

"I Am Adorable" and the Power of Story

     The other day, I was talking with a family and the young girl  said "Well, it's actually pretty simple. I am adorable... and my brother just needs to learn how to be more adorable. Can you help us with that?" Talk about trying to keep a straight face... I glanced at the parents and they were having trouble keeping their smiles under some semblance of control, too. It got me thinking about many things (of course). One of them was the nature of bias and the power of story.

      Actually, she had a point. Once a negative event occurs, you have a "data point." Then, if you have another one, a "story" starts to develop around it. Depending on how that story develops... the themes and direction it takes, that story begins to influence the behavior of everyone else involved in that circle. And, pretty soon, you have a series of stories, which will often "match" the first story, because of how our biases will often reinforce the original story... which relied on that little tiny interpretation of that little teensie weensie event... which no one may even remember. 

Maybe we might consider this when we are "sure" that we "know the truth when we see it...?" Perhaps, we can take a breath, step back and ask ourselves "What can I not see yet? What else am I missing?"

The Power of Empathy: It is the Key to All Types of Mediation and Connecting in Shared Interest

The American Bar Association Has Published This PSA on the Value of Mediation

The Importance of Fostering Empathy in Our Children & Ourselves On a Daily Basis: We Will Live Longer!

Fighting Gorillas in Ethiopia- Do We Look Like This?

U.S. Peace Index Map: Changes in Peacefulness Between 1991-2011

See My Boo Boo? The Power of the Empathic Response

I recently attended a wonderful presentation by Gary Friedman

Internet for Peace- Love This! Thank you, Craig Zeliger

Andrew Schepard's Interview on Challenges Within Family Mediation- Excellent!

Start with a Clear Perspective... How Long Is the Life of This Tree?

Whenever we are faced with a conflict, which should be numerous times a day, whether it is within ourselves (our feelings, needs, values, thoughts, decisions) or outside of ourselves (with priorities, feelings and needs of others, the intrusion of time, health, values which are incongruent with our desire to "GET OUR WAY" or "BE RIGHT" or "HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE" or "MAKE IT FAIR"... the first place to find is that little angled spot called OUR PERSPECTIVE... For some people, they find that through the route of meditation or prayer or other mindful practices. They may find it through making a Gratitude List (10 things for which I am grateful, today.) My list always begins with reflection on being born in this country in this century... okay, it was the LAST century, but I am alive in this one... A friend of mine goes out for a walk and looks up into a tree, reflecting on the life of the tree- how long it has been alive and how many secrets it has overheard, how many people have climbed through its branches, how many hours of laughter and hilarity it has shared with people and critters of all shapes and sizes. What a perspective seeking place this wise old tree can help us find. What a lovely starting place...

Inhale through your nose ("smell the cookies") and exhale through your mouth ("blow out the candles")

Best Approach to the practice of conflict management: 

1. Take our own pulse first.

2. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

3. Center ourselves for approach and neutrality.

4. Appreciate the people at every stage.

5. Be thankful for the process.

6. Continue with all of the above.

7. Ask ourselves whether we want to be RIGHT or be EFFECTIVE.

8. Release our own false pride.

9. Apologize for our part, our participation in the conflict; especially when it has been unintentional.

10. Repeat the above sequence as often as necessary until we feel relief.

Embrace the Therapeutic Justice Idea into Family Law Proceedings?

Jurisdictions have already begun to embrace some of the ideals of applying the principles of Therapeutic Justice into Family Law proceedings, whether they know it or not; whether they label it as such or not.

The factors are slipping their way into the field and I could not be more thrilled... The idea is about finding ways to heal our families, our communities... and so it goes...

Looks Like Something Broken? Look More Closely... They Are Fractiles!

Pieces of broken glass? Shattered fragments? Sometimes things are not what they appear. As a close colleague of mine said recently "Don't Believe Everything You Think!" 

How we frame things in our minds and in our language with others is far more important than any of us might realize. Our self-talk has much to do with creating the "space" for collaboration, cooperation, conflict management, thoughtful resolution... So, perhaps we will do well to question our part in the dance, the mind set and "heart set" we bring into the process. Have a lovely fractile embracing week!

The Value of an Apology: Insufficient? Relevant?

Spring Is Warming Up All Over

As the snow melts and the tulips start to sprout, it creates the ideal time to reflect about the merits of learning peacemaking skills at any stage of life. What if there was a peacemaker module taught in elementary school- Just an Hour or two each year?

I find, in practice, the tools are so much easier for young ones to pick up and assimilate than it is for the older folks.

Last week, a young boy came into my office, looked at the diagram on the whiteboard and asked "Who is that for?" I replied: "a few grown ups are learning a few things." He rolled his eyes and said "Well, we covered that a long time ago... Do you want me to talk to them for you?"

Now, that's an idea...

Searching for the Inner Calm... Transformative...

Funny Dolphin - More amazing video clips are a click away